November 16, 2007

you look too much

I caught myself taking a second look at an attractive new contractor at work today, and had a flashback to the change room in high school.

Gym class was painful in the extreme, more because of the change room than anything else. It's really no wonder at all that young gay athletes were fairly rare. Just imagine it... you're in the middle of hormone hell, and you're told that you have to get naked in front people that you're helplessly sexually attracted to without displaying any physical evidence of that attraction. This at an age when even an errant breeze is enough to prompt said evidence.

My reaction to all this pressure was to "forget" almost every day my gym clothes. This got me out of participating, and showering, but it didn't get me out of that damn change room. I still remember sitting on the floor in a corner, trying to read, trying not to look, trying at least not not be seen looking. I obviously wasn't succeeding very well, as Tim looked at me askance and said slowly, "You look too much." It was said almost jokingly, almost, and I wasn't beat up that time or ever, but it stuck with me, and even now, at work, in passing, I worry just a tiny little bit, that maybe I'm looking too much.

Posted by Ken Allen at November 16, 2007 2:00 PM