So, after almost 5 years I found myself single again. I went for a bike ride just to get out of the house, and started seriously considering buying cigarettes. I can't believe that I haven't even had a drag in more than three years and yet smoking still appears in my emotional list of "ways to feel better". I started to wonder where a late-night store would be, and then it hit me. I'm 40, single, and planning on spending money to smell bad? Didn't seem very smart put that way.
I think that being single at 40 feels different than being single in my 20's and 30's did. More risky, somehow. I feel older today than I did two weeks ago, that's for certain.
Maybe it's just that it's easier to choose to be single than it is to have it happen to you. Too soon to tell.
Thanks to Patrick, though, for agreeing to be my new roommate! It'll be a blast.